Should I Stay or Should I Go

I’m sitting at my little desk at Starbucks and looking at three cards. These cards hold a great deal of significance in regard to identifying the woman who owns them. Without these cards, she is the same person. With them, she has some fleeting credibility that is pushed to the edge each day.

I look upon these cards (a staff ID card from the University of San Francisco; a law student ID card from the University of San Francisco; and a Press card from National Writers Union) and the thoughts that go through my mind are very similar to the thoughts that sift through the mind of the domestic violence survivor after long struggles to survive alone and still meeting that stupid brick wall smack dab in the face very fast.

“Should I stay where I am or should I go back?”

In the business world, staying in the new situation that simply is not working is still independence from the situation left behind that was filled with daily confrontations with the abusive boss, the bully in the other cubicle, the harasser from hell down the hall. No money in the world was worth the deterioration of self, ego, and self esteem.

Yet the new situation is unrelenting. It selfishly yields a tongue-tip of honey, sometimes on a daily basis, just enough to keep you baited and staying a little longer in order to catch the reward that never gets delivered. It’s time to make a change. But the change does not involve going back.

The change becomes seeing what you have to offer these sociopathic ego killers. Something they want. Something they’d kill to have. Something their mercenary souls would be given in order to have and to which you hold the keys. The change needs to come from your no longer seeing yourself as powerless. In fact, you have a great deal of power and you now need to not only recognize it but also focus on how to use it.

It isn’t necessary to hold up your resume each and every time you come in contact with these pathetics who would have you turned into a berated child at each encounter with them. Instead, you need to have a no-nonsense conversation with them about whatever topic is on the table. You need to set forth the existing situation, the potentials that radiate from it, and the consequences of each of the acts upon the potentials.

What also needs to happen is to draw these mercenaries into their own trap by engaging them in talking about what they see will happen next. If their assessment is incorrect, tell them, “That’s not exactly where this will go. Instead, it will play out like this . . ..” Then tell them, “A better way to handle this is to . . ..”

Of course, you can also tell them you’d like to explore this conversation with them a little more but you simply don’t have time for it, you’re not interested in being chastised like a small child any more, and given the fact that you are quite capable of lucid, very valid thinking, it is highly non-productive for you to continue to use them or their resources any further.

Well, sometimes the very reason for the alliance was because it availed you of the resources. In that case, thank them for the alliance and come up with some means of keeping your “ally” at a very long distance while you keep entitlement to the resources. When it’s possible to do so without harming yourself, sever the relationship.

You have the intelligence. You have the background. You have the credentials. You are the strong and powerful one. These abusers and bullies are using you to help them gain the advantages they cannot develop on their own behalf. You need the confidence to realize that. It isn’t a question of “Should I stay or should I go?” It’s a matter of “How do I use these idiots to my advantage?”