What’s in the Hand

Some people complain about the losses they suffer. They see opportunities that were right under their noses that seem to slip off the edge of the Earth, never to be seen again. Of course this is a vexing situation! How many times must we watch as Opportunity slips away as our fingertips yearn to be a little longer in order to grasp a little more firmly?

Whether we’re job seekers, managers trying to entice the new hire, sales people trying to make that next sale or land a new client, or recruiters doing any of the foregoing, to see the opportunity become history is very disappointing. What are you going to do? There was something about the presentation and the circumstances that simply did not make this connection a good match. It was best to move on. Perhaps there will be another opportunity in the future, maybe not. But for today, it is gone. All the blaming in the world, all the tantrums, all the resentful statements and hate emails will not restore what was perceived as victory.

In fact, there was absolutely nothing written in stone that guaranteed the situation. So why are we upset at the loss? What was it about that particular situation that created that much investment in it, to the point that we lash out a anyone, everyone, because of the loss? Perhaps it’s what we thought was available to us had we gained the situation. Unfortunately, that thought was of our own machinations and was mere speculation — it was not reality. Perhaps we observed how well things went when this situation was involved in another venue for someone else and we imagined how well it would work for us if we had that particular asset on our side. Again, this is our projecting our own personality and desires into an illusion of success. Once we set our own practices into motion, the likelihood that we would create the same situation for ourselves as we have in the past would grow once more and we will find ourselves losing what we thought we wanted to capture. It will be gone.

Dwelling on losses is not a healthy thing to do. If, however, it is for the purpose of examining why we keep losing things, parsing out the pattern we are setting for ourselves and defining how we may rid ourselves of these self-destructive patterns, does become a healthy activity.

There are times when no matter what we do, there are outside influences that create our doom and destruction for us. It’s like having the Titanic tied to our necks. It is a reality that there are people who will lie, cheat, steal, and defame in order to see our ruin. The answer, in that case, is to know your competition and close any inroads they may have to getting into your environment. It is especially important to not allow ourselves to get personally involved with these people. There are many reasons for this. They will distract and detract from the great progress that’s already been accomplished. Being around them will create regression into a negative situation. Next, they will steal any ideas you have and, if they cannot use the ideas (or — more likely — don’t know how), they will spread gossip and rumors that tend to be destructive and thereby ruin the entire process you were developing. There are more destructive paths that can be encountered if we allow these unhealthy people into our circle of friends. We can examine those another day.

My point for today is to not lose sight of what you already have when you lose something. An even more healthy thing to do in times of loss is to look at what we do have and all of the positive attributes of that. Some call it a bird in the hand. Call it whatever you want. In spite of the losses that are bound to come our way, there are some things we have won, for which we have worked very hard, and they are ours without question. It is extremely important to keep these assets in mind and preserve them. If a project or a work order is associated with them, it is doubly important to make certain that we deliver on time in good order with perfect execution. Not only could that bird in the hand pay off, it may be the projected successes we saw in the situation that failed and lead to something far better than the latter.

Sometimes it takes a while for me to get to the point. We shouldn’t take things for granted. Even though we have a long-standing client, they could reject us for someone else if we treat them with a degree of disregard and distraction. What we have deserves (sometimes) even more than we would give other situations. It is our current bread and butter. In many instances, that stalwart [client/agent/mentor] is the reason we are surviving at all. We should not only be catering (within reason) to the current needs they have but also projecting whether there are some issues they have not yet identified for which you could be the cure. Keep in mind that your present clients are still there and very important to you in many ways.

An Uncomfortable Situation

“Going home shouldn’t HURT,” is what the sign on the bus read and it encouraged calling the domestic violence hotline for Los Angeles County if you’re experiencing abuse. There are a lot of lessons that can be taught about domestic violence and the multiple forms of abuse associated with it. There are even more lessons that accompany going to the various agencies that purport to work toward eradicating abuse and supporting those who are victims of it. To some extent, those lessons are for another day.

More importantly, going to work shouldn’t HURT. Theoretically speaking, the focus is on the work product as it should reach the customer. Quality output, timeliness, accuracy. Those are the primary issues. The pettiness of who is talking about whom, what the color of their skin or hair or gender may be are not part of the product unless this is a salon of some type. But when it comes down to making the numbers crunch, or getting the database to hold and find all of the correct inputs, it doesn’t really matter who did it just so that it did get done. That is not about hurting. That is about focusing on the job and working toward a common goal for the stakeholder.

Another important thing is who made the best [sales] in the last period. Fantastic! Let’s team up with that person in order to learn how they did this so that we can replicate their positive angles, so that we can put our own spin on their techniques in order to personalize to our style and appeal to our class of customers.

Going to work shouldn’t hurt because of venomous remarks, needless comments, barked logic that when stepped away from collapses into drivel. Going to work shouldn’t mean we grit our teeth against discovering some critical document is lost that was in the middle of the desk when we turned off the lights last night. Going to work shouldn’t mean enduring people who interrupt what we’re saying because they know more than us, what we’re saying isn’t important enough to hear, isn’t very interesting, is always wrong.

Going to work shouldn’t hurt because everyone else gets a lunch break but not us. Demeaning remarks shouted out in public before co-workers and clients should not be the normal environment. The integrity of our work should pass muster from the last time our hands were on it to its delivery.

Yes, there are means of dealing with these situations. Reporting them to the appropriate compliance officer is one way of handling them. But the compliance officer has myopia and doesn’t see the situations as plainly as we do. Nothing happens. Is there any way to kick this up the ladder? Maybe not. In that case, it’s time to go to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.

Examine the situation on an incident-by-incident basis. List each occurrence of something that is askew and the events surrounding it. Review the list. Look for a pattern. Who was present, in relation to other things, when did this occur? Note curious associations. Report these, especially if a pattern is recognized. Is there a time pattern or a cycle? Does this seem to happen to you only or are others similarly affected?

Are the reports you make going unheeded at every level? Then it’s time for you to take matters by the reins. Short of violence, do whatever is necessary to take care of yourself. Document when you have victories and get public acknowledgement of them whenever possible. Add them to your resume as accomplishments. Get endorsements on your networking profile. Make certain your profile is up to date. Circulate.

Do not be intimidated by the remarks when you speak up for yourself. Do not allow yourself to feel flustered and inadequate. Know your rules and ground work and adhere to it. Do not just stand up for yourself. Let people know when you’re asserting your rights. Phrase it so that the consequences reflect positively on you.

And while you’re at it, make certain you start researching where you will go next. While you’re at it, start interviewing for where you’ll go next.

Going to work nor going home should hurt.

A Time of Change

Kevin Wheeler is one of my favorite authors on ERE. It’s is quite uncanny how he and John Sullivan and I seem to write on the same subjects at approximately the same times. But those observations are beside the point of this piece.

Kevin’s most recent article purports to speak to recruiters. But there are a lot of people being left out of the equation and therefore being passed over for opportunities, who are being perceived as not qualified. Some who are bypassed are those in whom we thought we had developed a healthy, trusting relationship — a mentor relationship. One of the things that is tacitly understood is that a mentor will recommend their student to others as progress in a particular area is being made, the validity of the work is solid, and (of course) there is excellence in the outcome.

In these presumed mentoring relationships, the usual elements were present. There was give, which was taken. There were connections that seemed worthwhile. There was various manners of information, advice, and leads supplied and used. Yet, as is discussed in “Being Left Out,” these manner of inroads are cast aside and the treatment is as though one is a clerk.

Kevin’s words make me wonder how you and I should interpret his words of advice and how we should fortify ourselves if the person we thought was a mentor is not making referrals to us for work nor recommending our talents in any way to others; in other words, they’re not really being a mentor. Instead, the mentor seems to develop amnesia when it comes to our name.

One of the things that may be causing the failure is part of the formula for networking and developing healthy relationships. Although the “student” receives the advice and there is follow through, the disciple forgets to report back to the mentor about the results of their endeavors. As the prodigy is learning new things, they either become shy or gain new-found popularity and overlook talking about the new inroads with their guide. Thus, there’s an impression that there’s no new learning. Actually, we learn something new each day. It’s merely a matter of determining what has been learned and communicating those concepts through conversation, emailed coup sharing, or just talking about the newest rage in innovations.

It could be that the coach already has the information and is looking for something even better. It’s wise to check ourselves when we share innovations. Our social networks and public profiles provide a means of interpreting what our counselor finds interesting and useful, a push of the envelope.

Fortunately, Kevin points out the areas where a person can fail in the area of credibility, the areas that the mentor will consider and then look to another for input. He also provides a recommended means of resolution for the deficiency in lack of business credibility, confidentiality, competence, speed in follow-through.

While this may seem like a wonderful formula for solving a disappointing turn of events, it is entirely possible that the oversight by the leader is intentional and none of the proffered remedies will act as a cure. This will happen when the mentor realizes, as happens in many student-instructor partnerships, that the relationship has gone as far as is possible. And reluctantly (because the leader actually does enjoy the thoughts, input, and company of the student) the mentor must push the enthusiast away. The student has learned all that the mentor can provide. They now stand shoulder to shoulder. The student is on their way to being more productive and farsighted than the instructor.

To be certain, Life is a long-term lesson book. We only reach the end of the lessons when we close our eyes for the last time. So there are still small things that can be learned from our model. But it is at this point that we have become colleagues and perhaps even competitors. It is now time to consider what the previous mentor is doing in terms of doing business or work that causes them to be sought after. These new lessons need to be taken in and molded to our style and brand so that we develop our own book of clients, on our own merit.

This is also the time to reconsider the issue of confidentiality. Because it is entirely possible that we are now competitors and the sharing of a recent lesson or new find is actually giving away potential business. Thus, if the person who used to be a patient conversationalist and allowed us to talk freely begins to interrupt our flow of speech, it would be wise to not consider this as a new twist in the personality that has turned our friend into an impolite boor. They are still being our trusted advisor by giving an extremely subtle hint that the fledgling needs to close its beak. It’s also time to leave the comfort of the nest.

It seems to me that what Kevin was talking about was not being left out, per se, but a change of life.

Making Your Statement

There are examples all over the landscape. It’s just that we don’t always pay attention to them because when we see them, they’re out of context in relation to their usual work environment. The examples of which I speak are the nonconformists. The ones who wear the long hair, have piercings or tattoos, wear corduroys jackets and faded blue jeans, or wear ethnic clothing to a Chamber of Commerce meeting.

These are the people who hear a different drum and march to it. But they also recognize that the preliminaries must be handled before they dive into making their personal statement. I’ve met several. In fact, I admire (as many as I can remember) all who I have met. The basis of my admiration for these people is that they are comfortable with their selves.

They know who and what they are and do not feel intimidated or ashamed any part of them. They are confident about what they know and are very aware that they have a great deal to share with others. They give freely. Their conversation is open, positive, and accepting. They listen carefully. They get rid of the baggage so that they can hear and comprehend. Perhaps these latter factors are part of the success they project.

So why am I not surprised at finding a dean at USC who is another of those who hears a different drum? Earlier today, I talked with a student who took a seminar from him. The excitement and enthusiasm he inspired several months ago is still evident. This person is interesting. I repeated and then wrote his name. Michael Quick, College Dean of Research in the School of Arts and Letters. Then I read an article written about him in the USC College News. The article captures the description that my acquaintance gives. It also captures the spirit of the man who inspires.

Those of you who know me realize one of my hallmarks is analysis. Going on the little information I had about him, there was a rapid parsing of Michael Quick. He succeeds by being able to communicate with students. He does not see himself as some pompous campus dignitary. He sees himself as a leader and a manager whose purpose is to inspire. And with that inspiration is a desire to stretch toward greater accomplishments.

But his comfortable persona was not an overnight statement. It evolved over time. It was earned. And that is the important point of today’s words. And the point being driven home is essentially the same as the one made on March 1, 2006 when I spoke of the Validity of Dress Codes (now on Career and Recruiting Entrances. It’s important to get rid of the clutter that distracts from learning the essentials of your art and craft, the discipline for your chosen path. In order to fit in, it is critical to know what the basic disciplines are and be accepted into the mainstream. Once you’ve succeeded in establishing your knowledge and expertise, it’s fine to begin, little by little, to begin expressing yourself within the bounds of your particular culture. But you need to start with the basics first.

This is not just me piping philosophy. During a recent business trip, I encountered a young black female bank representative. Expressing a desire to know different perspectives, I asked her about acceptance of dreadlocks and such in the conservative world of banking life. With her several years of experience in the industry, she confirmed that it is important to start off in the conservative mode. In fact, most banks will not allow dreadlocks (or most other ethnic looks) because they are too off-putting to customers focused on their security and wealth management.

The woman had some other words of advice with regard to types of individuals who will be accepted, certain body builds, and types of personalities. But we can explore that information on another occasion. The bottom line for today is, start by getting yourself grounded and know your profession. Prove yourself. Then let your personality blossom when you’ve been accepted as an outstanding professional.